The title of the post today might lead your mind to wonder, but sad to say it actually means that I have two posts jammed into one. This one! The first part of the post will be in response to my poll. It seems as though both sides were tied for a while, but to no surprise of my own, a fact about my body finished ahead. So here goes...
I am 5 feet, 9 inches tall, brown hair and I have a freckle one of the lower parts of my abdomen. :)
Well I actually gave you a couple facts about my body, but its all good! From now on I think I will be doing a poll each week, so stay tuned for some interesting questions. The new poll will appear anytime between now and Friday and will stay up until Tuesday.
Now for part two...
At the suggestion of a couple other bloggers, I have decided to tell a little bit about why I have to stay in the closet. The biggest reason is my parents. My parents are gay haters. I do not mean they would probably not like it if I were gay, I don't mean they make gay jokes.... are the bad kind...p
they protest, they call senators and they lobby for anti gay laws. They are the mean kind. I think my dad would be the kind of person to hold the "God hates Fags" sign.
Anytime there is anything going on in the community all I hear about is how horrible fagots are. How they ruin perfectly good guys by seducing them and turning them gay. How anyone who even acts gay should be shot. My computer is so locked and protected and I erase everything because I can't risk them finding out. I feel as though my life would be in danger if they did. I am already crying sitting here thinking about them. I love them so much but they hate me, and they don't even know it.
Ok... breathe....
so the other reason is that there are a few people at my school who talk really bad about gays, who have even picked on and punched a gay kid in the class above me. They go in trouble but that doesn't matter, doesn't stop them. It's a rough time here in Wisconsin I guess. Laws are changing, people are becoming more accepting, and the more the rights of gays get better, the harsher the backlash gets. All I know is that every night I dream, pray and plead that I would be able to tell just one person and be safe.
Have a wonderful Thursday everyone!
Peace to the punk followers!
-TanManC
Hello Tanner
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you find yourself in such an unhappy position at home - it's so sad in the 21st century that people can hold such narrow-minded, hateful opinions about others, and not only that, but want to impose those opinions on others by law, if not by force. I can't pretend to have been in such a dire position myself, but I do know what it's like to be closeted, to have to pretend to be something you're not, day in, day out, just to carry on living, and it's not pretty. All I can say is that I hope things get better for you, sooner rather than later.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hey Tanner —
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with being a virgin.
It sounds as if you've definitely made the right decision to stay in the closet for now. Maybe when you're living on your own you'll want to come out, and maybe even before then there will be somebody you can trust enough too come out to. Having someone share your secret can make it easier, but the most important thing is to stay safe.
We know that God doesn't hate gay people. It's too bad your folks don't know it too. You haven't said what religion they have. If they're Catholic, their Church tells them not to hate gay people, but a lot of Catholics still don't seem to have gotten the message. There's a great statement from the Catholic bishops to parents called "Always Our Children," which tells parents to keep on loving their gay children. If your folks go to another church, I don't know about official teachings. I know there are a few extreme groups that say "God hates fags," but don't let them fool you into thinking that's what most Christians and most churches think.
Hey Tanner,
ReplyDeleteInteresting facts there, so thank you :)
as for your parents, it really is a shame that that is how they feel, but unfortunately its the way they have been raised (well, usually) and there is little you can do. I'm sure that things arn't QUITE as bad as they seem, your parents love you, no? so i'm sure they will still love you after you tell/told them, but they would be very conflicted and therefore unpredictable lol.
but as we all grow older and the world becomes more accepting, then things will get better. You just have to look from the 50's up until now! haha. The future is always bright.
until then, how does that song go ... you got a friend in me haha. Your last sentance "All I know is that every night I dream, pray and plead that I would be able to tell just one person and be safe" really struck me because this is what blogger is about! we're all here for you day or night, rain or snow. If you want someone to talk to or to have a laugh with, take your pic :)
oh anf being a virgin is frustrating but no big deal. So what if you slept with someone years ago! big deal! lol
Jack xx
Good to get to know you a bit better, Tanner! Thanks.
ReplyDeleteAnd wow. Your parents seem like a real piece of work. I'm sorry that's the atmosphere you live in. God wouldn't have created us (in His Own Image, if I remember my Bible lessons) like this if it was wrong.
With all the time zone differences, you'll probably be able to find someone here just about any time, so feel free to shout out. And let your blog reflect you, the good, the bad (well, maybe not the ugly ;-) .)
Catch you later, look forward to the next post.
Peace <3
Jay
The line about praying and pleading to tell one person struck home with me. I'm still pretty closeted, though I've come out to a couple of bffs and a few others, but not family or a lot of really close friends. Yet. Cause it gets easier. As you expand your circle of friends, you will likely find someone who you can tell. It might not be until you go off to college, but I suspect it will happen, and hopefully, well before 30. I wish I'd done it years ago, but I had reasons, too, why closeted was best for me. Now that's changed, so look out world!
I think you're finding you've certainly got friends here, who are a lot like you in oh so many ways. We may be "virtual", but I assure you that we're very real people, who will be here for you.
This just broke my heart for you.
ReplyDeleteWhen you get a little bit older and go off to college it's going to be like a dream. Head to one of the coasts, and especially consider California. It's a whole different world out there.
I don't know if this makes you feel any better, but you should keep close to your heart the fact that people out there are pulling for you.